CHILD OF GOD
TORN
What are some of your titles? For me, as a friend, mom, neighbor, wife, daughter, sister, employee, fitness partner, and volunteer, just to name a few, I get a little overwhelmed.
And did you notice I left off a pretty important title? I’m also a daughter of God. But how much time do I spend focusing on my role as God’s child? This question often bothers me. I frequently experience tension, feeling pulled in many different directions. In our time together, we are going to process some of this tension, with the goal of sorting out how to keep God in the #1 spot while juggling so many other responsibilities.
Take a moment to list your titles in the order of importance to you. Then, consider how much time you spend on each role.
Do you see the problem I see? My top title is as a daughter of God, yet I spend most of my time in the mom, wife, and employee roles. So, how do we manage this tension? Before I get to answering this question, can I share another struggle? Another problem I run into is the idea that I’d really like to spend more time with the wind in my face. I’d like to take a girls’ trip with some of my friends, and I’d really like to feel more fulfilled in ministry.
Since I believe God intended for us to hold titles such as children, parents, and employees, I don’t think the solution is to pull out of all those roles. So what’s the solution? What if we bring God into those roles a bit more?
Reflect upon your top 3-5 roles. Let’s identify ways to bring God into each of these roles. As we integrate our faith into our lives, we live out the Biblical principle of having our “identity in Christ.” Our identity in Christ is so important that it impacts how we work, parent, and even how we behave at the gym or in our neighborhood.
Do you have any trouble bringing God into specific parts of your life? What about your negative spaces? You know, those places where you feel shame and dissonance? God wants to be in the middle of those spaces, too.
Iand others to see our shiny parts, and we prefer to hide, ignore, or spray paint the “not-to-nice” parts.
During our time together, we are going to look at boundaries, contentment, stability, and boldness. As we explore each of these, invite God to show you what He sees imagine the strife that children could avoid if they would just bring their parents into the middle of some of their troubles? Do you think God ever feels the same way about us? We want God n you. Ask God to show you how to bring Him into the middle of your conversations, responsibilities, and most exciting moments.
EXTRA CREDIT
Brainstorm some ways to bring God into the middle of your thoughts and relationships, using Deuteronomy 6:6-9 as a guide.
Verses:
Deuteronomy 6:6-9 NIV
These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. 7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 8 Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 9 Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.
Psalm 139:2 ESV
You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar.
BOUNDARIES
In our busy world, it is easy to say yes to too many things. When we do, by default, we say no to other activities and are forced to put some deeds on the backburner. We don’t always intend to neglect areas of our lives, but it happens, and we can reflect upon and change our behavior. Let’s take time to examine our thinking patterns, including our decision-making habits. Would you commit to being more curious about your thinking patterns? You may find that you’re saying yes to things you really don’t value, and although you greatly value your relationship with God, your busy schedule may create a wall that prevents closeness.
When I get busy (okay, this is kind of my life, so perhaps I should say, “On Tuesday…”), I will think like this, “I don’t have time to go to lunch with friends.” On a bad day, I’ll even get a bit jealous of someone else when I see a post where friends are socializing. I’ll think, “Must be nice to have time for friends.” I have learned to be curious about my feelings, seeing that my feelings reveal my values. If we’re jealous of people who have time to hang with friends, we value friendship. If we’re envious of people who have a happy marriage, sarcastically saying, “They’re in the honeymoon stage,” it reveals that we value and desire a strong marriage. Too often though, we live “jealous” when we can take our thoughts captive, and make them obedient to Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5). Let’s look at Jodi’s situation. If Jodi feels jealous of another couple’s marriage, she can take that thought to God, bringing Him into the negative spaces in her marriage. What may be revealed is that she feels stuck in her marriage and doesn’t know how to communicate her needs to her husband, and it has put a barrier between the two of them, one she doesn’t know how to remove. Thankfully, God knows our deepest thoughts and needs and will help us IF we invite Him into the middle of our positive and negative spaces.
EXTRA CREDIT
What negative spaces are most difficult for you to bring God into? Talk about this with a loved one. Push yourself to create habits that will invite God into your relationships.
Verses:
2 Corinthians 10:5
Psalm 94:11 ESV
The Lord-knows the thoughts of man, that they are but a breath.
BALANCE
Do you wish to live a more balanced life? What would that look like physically, spiritually, and mentally? Just as our physical bodies seek equilibrium, heating and cooling our bodies when our temperature gets a little off, we need balance in other areas of our lives, too. When we have too much stimulation, we may experience “overwhelm” and feel a need to pull back. When we do not have “enough” challenge, we feel bored. But how do we find balance? Recently, I heard a “busy” person talking to someone who seemed “bored.” Rather than helping one another, it seemed they both envied each other but did not appear to be inspired to be more like the other. Instead, a comment was made about the busy person having so many people who want to be with them. And perhaps the busy person just wished for more time like the other seemed to have.
Do you see the challenge? All of us can be unbalanced and jealous. But it takes a great amount of effort to be balanced. Consider the balancing pole. What purpose does it serve? It is used to help the person when they get out of balance. God created natural balancing agents inside our human bodies. What are some of those agents? One is our emotion system. When we feel out of balance, our emotions alert us; our stomach may churn and our heart rate may increase. We can bring God into these experiences, asking Him to help us understand what is going on inside us. He provides insight to our needs for connection, communication, and other opportunities for balance. He is our balancing pole.
Galatians 5:20-26 tells us that jealousy doesn’t come from God; rather, the Holy Spirit produces love and joy. I am working to invite God into my negative emotions and experiences, asking Him to provide insight; would you join me in this prayer? When we bring our junk to the Light, it loses its power (Ephesians 5:13).
EXTRA CREDIT
As you seek balance, invite God to help you see yourself the way He sees you. Look in the mirror and remind yourself that you are His workmanship, created with a purpose (Ephesians 2:10).
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Verses:
Galatians 5:20-26
Ephesians 5:13 NIV
But everything exposed by the light becomes visible-and everything that is illuminated becomes a light.
Ephesians 2:10 ESV
For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.
THE VINE
When we get out of balance, one problem may be that we have gotten disconnected from the vine. Are you familiar with the passage in Scripture that talks about Christ being the vine? John 15:5 says that Christ is the vine, and we are the branches. Instead, have you broken apart from the vine, thinking that you can visit church or read Scripture once or twice a week and be ok? Imagine pulling a leaf off its tree, thinking, “It will live.” It may not change form when it is first separated from its life-source. But it is no longer alive. Culture may say that it is normal to incorporate spiritual matters into our lives just a few times each week, but remember the Garden of Eden? God dwelt with Adam and Eve, and they were in community. There may be times when we feel hopeless, and if we take time to explore, we might notice that we are not “abiding in Christ” or inviting Him into our difficult roles and situations.
We apply for graduate school, scour dating apps, and hustle to land the next gig. But if we abide in Christ, we rest in Him. We reset. We remember that our first role is as a child of God. Our perspective is re-aligned, and we find our breath. The trouble is, we will walk away from this encounter, heading back into the chaos that pulls us into stressful, unsettling experiences.
When this feels wrong, it’s because it is. Remember? God made Eden where He dwelt with Adam and Eve. They worked, played, and lived in community with God. At a deep level, we long for this. But we can continue to bring God into our homes, into our roles as boyfriends, girlfriends, parents, and neighbors. We can blast God-honoring music and have family dance parties. We can pray with our co-worker who can’t hold back the tears when they get terrible news. We can point out God’s beauty when we step outdoors. We can fall on our knees in the middle of an argument. Yep, it can be difficult, awkward, and new. But we do hard things.
EXTRA CREDIT
Challenge yourself to use the note section on your phone to start a list of times you bring God into the many other roles you serve. For example, if you pray with your kids, that’s bringing God into your role as a parent. It can be a humbling but exciting opportunity to grow.
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Verses:
John 15:5 ESV
“I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.”
COMPARISON
Have you ever felt like you’re just not good enough? What is behind this? Comparison. We often compare ourselves to others around us. And the truth is, people are better than us. People are worse than us. With billions of people on this planet, on a good day, we can exert our energy thinking of the ways we are better than others. And on a bad day, we can think of all the reasons we aren’t enough.
Isaiah 55:9 (NIV) says “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” We are not good enough, yet God accepted us; Jesus died for us while we were yet sinners (Romans 5:8). Have you noticed any thinking patterns that occur when you compare? It’s as if these thoughts are hiding in a secret compartment of your brain, creeping out when you get triggered. Though you thought you buried them, they rise to the surface again and again.
When you compare yourself to others, feeling negatively about yourself, are you typically in a negative space? In a positive space, we tend to have more positive thoughts, feelings, and behavior. While in a negative space, our thoughts, feelings, and behavior become negative.
Let’s look at two introductory steps we can follow to move back to a positive space.
Step 1- Recognize we’re in a negative space.
Step 2- Pray and use Scripture to help us move to a positive space.
God, Here I am again, comparing myself to others. I recognize that I need transformed. Renew my mind and help me know Your will (Romans 12:2b). Amen.
EXTRA CREDIT
Review the list you began last time regarding times you bring God into other roles. When you engaged in each act, were you in a positive or negative space? Were you comparing yourself to them or focusing on your primary role as a child of God?
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Verses:
Romans 12:2b
“…be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”
Isaiah 55:9
Romans 5:8
CONTENTMENT
Reflect upon some times in life when you felt most content. Were you in nature? Watching a child sleep or play? In a flow state doing something you’re passionate about such as painting, writing, speaking, or playing a sport?
These are moments in roles where we likely served two roles at once. For me, feeding a baby has brought contentment. I prayed, sang to them, and thanked God for them. Integration.
When I’ve felt most content in life, God has been in the middle of one of the other responsibilities; perhaps this is a taste of what Eden was like. During childhood, I remember riding in a van with my family, jamming to a Newsboys album, and reading a Francine Rivers’ book. My family taught me integration.
True contentment comes from God. Yet, in today’s world, struggling with contentment is common. We may face overwhelm which reminds us that we need to have better boundaries. Or we might find ourselves feeling unworthy which reminds us that we’re comparing ourselves to others instead of abiding with the Father.
This is tough stuff. I write from a place of war. I am in a battle with my mind, and I’m guessing you are, too. But we have the mind of Christ (1 Corinthians 2:16) and can continue to get better, growing in contentment, growing in faith, growing in love.
As you reflect upon moments when you have been most content in life, invite God to reveal Himself to you, showing you how to find contentment in Him.
EXTRA CREDIT
Ask a friend or colleague to share a time when he or she felt most content. Look for themes!
Verses:
1 Corinthians 2:16
James 1:17 NIV
17 Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.
1 Tim 6:6
But godliness with contentment is great gain.
Philippians 4:12-13
I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.
Hebrews 13:5 5
Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said,
“Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”[a]
STABILITY
How does your relationship with God change when you are mentally stable compared to when you feel less stable? Consider listing behaviors that you tend to engage in when you feel mentally stable. Then, list the behaviors that tend to become tempting when you’re less stable. Perhaps, when you’re most mentally stable, you eat a balanced diet, pray, exercise, and engage in community. When you become less stable as a result of grief, a heavy workload, or parenting responsibilities, you may find yourself drinking more caffeine, working longer hours, and eating fast food. Each of us move back and forth between a positive and negative space. And when we feel less stable, we tend to want to move ourselves back to a positive space with a quick fix such as adding caffeine so we can work a little later and sleep a little less. This is a short-term fix that sometimes creates long-term problems. Take a moment to consider your mental stability and both your long and short-term solutions toward building your home in a positive space.
God wants us to be stable. In 1 Corinthians 15:58, we are challenged to let nothing move us. Are you unmovable? Does that feel like an impossible task? How do we do this? We don’t. At least not on our own. We must be stabilized by God’s grace (2 Corinthians 12:9) and the fruit that emanates from our lives when we have been filled with Him (Galatians 5:23). In fact, it’s hard to believe, but we may find ourselves leaving behind springs of water when we pass through the desert (Psalm 84:6.) Imagine that. You’re in a low spot, tired and weary, walking through a desert season in life. But you look behind you and notice that every place where you have stepped is becoming lush, filled with life. In front of you, you see dry places, but behind you, you see life. If you’re a parent or a mentor with someone following you, they get a completely different view. Imagine what it looks like from their perspective. They’re in a desert, too. It’s hot and tiresome. But they look up and see flowing waters. Your willingness to fight changes others’ perspectives. People see you running to your Father even when it’s tough. And those who follow you may be filled with life as a result.
EXTRA CREDIT
Look for ways your efforts toward building stability has created stability for someone else. Look for ways you’ve been used by God to bring springs of Christ’s living water to the desert.
Verses:
1 Cor. 15:58 NIV
Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.
2 Corinthians 12:9
Galatians 5:23
Psalm 84:6
WHAT MOVES YOU?
One thing that moves us is our triggers. Some things move us in a positive way. Other stimuli moves us to a negative space. Often, we get triggered to a negative space because of past failures, hurts, and traumas.
List what triggers you to a negative space. List what moves you. These may be sources to address in counseling or with a close loved one. We can work toward neutralizing our triggers by dealing with them. Although many triggers may not be completely neutralized, we can lessen the sting. If the smell of Christmas candles triggers your eye to twitch, there is likely to be a reason, even if you cannot determine what the reason is. Sometimes, triggers result from past sexual trauma, neglect, or pressure at work, for instance. Other times, we can feel triggered by completely random things.
When I feel overwhelmed with my work schedule, I develop a low frustration tolerance. Low frustration tolerance is a social psychology term that is seen in many people today. It doesn’t take much to frustrate us. Basically, this occurs because we have too much psychological junk to manage, so our body cries out at smaller amounts of frustration than normal. Let’s explore the function in the dysfunction. What good comes from experiencing low frustration tolerance? If we listen, we will stop saying yes to so many things. If we turn to God, He will help us decipher what is most important in life.
It is helpful for us to explore our triggers because these triggers can ultimately shape who we are. Let’s say Thomas is ordinarily a calm person, but he is triggered and yells at his kids. He can explore why he was triggered. Thomas recalls that he was watching a sitcom where a child was being bullied; when one of his kids laughed with the bully, Thomas exploded. If this pattern of explosion continues, it will impact his ability to be the Godly parent he is called to be. If he leans in and explores why he felt triggered, he can work through past hurts and build stability.
Get “current”
In one of the marriage trainings Chuck and I completed years ago, one of the speakers taught about the idea of getting “current” with your loved ones, working to dialogue about conflict in the relationship.
It's important to get “current” with ourselves and others, working to resolve issues as they come rather than pushing them aside. Otherwise, we will find ourselves feeling out of control, constantly triggered to a negative space, blaming others, and comparing ourselves to people who have much more than we do. Are you current with yourself, your co-workers, etc.?
All of us face difficulties in life. Remember, in Psalm 84, God didn’t promise that we would be removed from the desert. Instead, He said we would bring life with us. Christ is who we bring with us into this broken world. Let’s look at Matthew 7:24-27. We can build our house on the rock (Jesus) so when the rains fall and the winds blow, we will not collapse. Our foundation in Christ will steady us.
Sometimes, we still feel overwhelmed as Christ-followers. Scripture can encourage us. What verses encourage you when you feel unsteady? Exodus 14:14 reminds me that The Lord will fight for me. It is my job to be still. I’m not very good at being still. In fact, one of my greatest strengths as a daughter of God is probably my action. But even that can bring challenges. If I get away from the Vine, I feel tired. Why? Because I am trying to fight on my own rather than staying attached to Him. But although I would love to rest, I battle fears, thinking “If I rest, what will happen if we do not have enough money to pay the bills?” or “I have to keep going, or I might be seen as a failure.” As I type out my fears, they have less power. I see that I want to trust God more than my fears. I believe I can trust God. I can trust God. Can you? I believe you can trust God. You can trust God. It’s difficult for me at times (especially when I’m in a negative space). If it’s difficult for you, trust Him anyway. Do it in fear. Do it in faith.
EXTRA CREDIT
Consider if you need to get “current” with anyone in your life. What would it look like to trust God to help you communicate with them from a positive space?
Verses:
Matthew 7:24-27 NIV 24
“Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. 26 But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. 27 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.”
Exodus 14:14
The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”
*Our position is beneath his wings. We are his children. He is enough. Our identity and safety is in Him.
BOLDNESS
Acts 4:29 (NLT) reads, “Give us, your servants, great boldness in preaching Your Word.”
Who are we? The verse calls us God’s servants. Are you God’s servant? In America, so often are prayers are filled with requests rather than worship, frustrations with God rather than thankfulness. To truly have our identity founded in Christ, we must submit to His leadership. When he does this work in our lives, we let go of some of our earthly fear because our Holy fear of God is in its rightful place.
In what ways does God increase our boldness about Christ? Let’s take a backdoor approach and start by looking at barriers to boldness.
What are your physical and emotional barriers to being bold? Do you feel worried about rejection? Me too. But when I keep my roles in the right order, with my role as a daughter of God being first, I remember that He is with me and that I want to choose faith over fear. I also remind myself that “Pleasing God is more important than pleasing others,” and “I’d rather God be pleased with me and feel a little awkward.” I still sin sometimes and choose comfort rather than boldness.
How does keeping your eyes on your role as a child of God help increase boldness?
What about being bold with the talents and roles God has put inside us? When are you most bold as a parent, spouse, friend, or employee? I’m most bold when I’ve spend time with God, taken a shower, gotten rest, read or listened to academic content, spent time with friends, exercised, eaten a decent meal...ok? do you get it? I’m a little needy. Are you?
If we think back to our list of mental stability vs. mental instability, when we feel less stable, we feel less like ourselves. And then we pull back, isolate, and act less boldly. This is a vicious cycle that brings trouble to our lives.
What are your habits? When are you most bold? What actions do you feel are most essential to helping you become who God called you to be? Invite God into the midst of your most unstable thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.
EXTRA CREDIT
Write out, memorize, and/or pray this verse: Acts 4:29 (NLT) “Give us, your servants, great boldness in preaching Your Word.”
Verse:
Acts 4:29 (NLT)
“Give us, your servants, great boldness in preaching Your Word.”
REGRETS
Do you regret things you have done or failed to do? Many people live by the mantra, “No regrets.” Is it possible to have no regrets? Let’s process for a moment. Regrets are often tied to guilt. Guilt is an emotion that was created.
Who created guilt?
God. He crafted an alert-system to help us understand when our behavior gets out of line with the character God put inside us. We can ignore our alert-system, and we can become a bit numb. But this is not a healthy response to experiencing guilt. This is maladaptive.
It is ok to regret past behavior if the behavior brought harm to yourself or others. We simply want to submit our lives to God, allowing ourselves and others to live as God intended.
Recently, I was thinking about some of the hard things I needed to do, feeling a bit defeated. I made a few calls and emails even though I didn’t feel like it. I called one person who basically said the topic I brought up seemed nice, but that he wasn’t interested. I later told Chuck how I felt frustrated with myself because I recognized my imbalance. I could talk to 10 people who said an idea was amazing, but when one person wasn’t interested, I felt ready to quit, saying it must not be God’s will. In a negative space, I am more likely to make negative assumptions, be less connected to my identity as a daughter of God, and am more focused on my weakness rather than God’s strength.
How do you react? When someone speaks a discouraging word into your life, do you retreat? The following question has helped me: What if it’s not personal? When someone rejects you, what if it says more about that person than about your abilities? Your efforts aren’t for every single person on the planet. That is God’s role. Your role is to help the people God put in your path.
None of us want to see our list of regrets grow larger, so we may choose to play small. Research shows that people feel better about taking risks than playing it safe. When I think about times I’ve been bold for Christ, I do not feel regretful. I feel thankful that God helped me prioritize my role as a Christ-follower.
Every part of our lives should feel safe to involve God. He made us to work, play, and enjoy life in community with Him. This was much easier to do when He walked in the garden with His children, but one day, we will be reunited with Christ. Until then, let’s “fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith” (Hebrews 12:2 NIV) bringing Him into all of our many roles.
Amen.
EXTRA CREDIT
If you’d like to follow on Chuck and Ashley on social or learn about other reading plans and resources they offer, subscribe here: https://www.chuckandashley.com/subscribe.
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Verses:
2 Corinthians 12:9
“Each time he said, ‘My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.’ So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.”​
Hebrews 12:2
Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.